Britney Spears Has Had It And So Have We
On Britney as a “gay icon” and the responsibility of queer nomenclature.
Thotties,
I don’t believe in the death penalty but when it comes to Britney Spears’ dad… well…. let’s just say I have some less nuanced opinions on that. Gonna leave the immortal words of Wendy right here.
On this week’s episode, we discussed the murky waters of “queer culture” and why we label certain things “gay” even when they’re literally not. Among those things discussed was Britney Spears who is uncontestably gay despite being a famed heterosexual with a thick ass spicy-white boyfriend who can quite frankly squeeze my skull under his armpit until it explodes like a rubber-banded watermelon.
Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. The point is, fucking free fucking Britney fucking Spears. Fuck! If you have not read anything at all about the trial (why??) the documentary is a great place to start. This exposé and this deep dive are also good jumping-off points to see inside the insidious and purely evil ways Britney’s family and team have treated her like a show dog.
But why are we even talking about Britney, you ask? In our episode, we talked about diva worship and how models of divine femininity have created formative experiences, reflections, and memories for queer and trans babies around the world. The ways we project our unknowns, our hidden femme identities, onto the pop stars of our time is truly a beautiful thing.
But there is also this not-so-beautiful thing that happens in queer diva worship — a thinly veiled misogyny that often fails to take a pop star’s humanity into account because we are only invested in them when they are insentient culture machines that release our dopamine valves.
We did it to Tina, Beyoncé, Mariah, Whitney — fuck I’ll even say we did it to Taylor Swift too. But what happened to Britney is perhaps one of the most egregious, collective, cultural crimes we committed as a fanbase and it’s time for a reckoning. And like, it is kinda wild that the #FreeBritney movement has unified a class of progressives around a singular issue which is, stripped down: “this millionaire deserves rights!!!”
But she does! Because abolitionist thinking teaches us to understand that no human is disposable, and yes that includes millionaire Britney Spears (who doesn’t even have access to her millions, but when she does it is over for you hoes).
I hope this movement means we can pay everything forward by treating our contemporary queens with the same respect and care we would want for a friend, which means that we don’t need to pry into their social lives, exploit their health or family, speculate about their bodies, their surgery, their sex lives, etc. You know, just normal decent human things!
And Britney… she has absolutely had it. And we live for it! This post, this caption, the freedom with which she speaks, like a phoenix from ashes, it is a dawning of a new day wherein you will think thrice before you decide to tweet some shitty little thing about your fave pop star. Misogyny is an odorless gas, thots. Keep that shit outcha respiratory systems!
Also, when Britney said, “go read a fucking book 📕 !!!!!” I felt that.
Xx Fran
*extra* delectable content
1. First up, our dessert this week was the astounding book of essays by Hanif Abdurraqib, who is canonical heterosexual but maintains an earned queer sensibility. This book absolutely tore me apart little thots, and anyone interested in a sensitive, earnest, and beautiful assessment of Black culture in America should dive right in.
2. Fran’s tweet about Jesus is worth a revisit.
3. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, The Ethical Slut is a go-to read for queers, nonmonogamists, and casual sex-havers.
4. But if you’re looking for a slightly less dense read, Getting It is a great alternative. Slightly less academic/comprehensive but just as informative!
5. Maya Angelou famously said, “Moderation in all things. And even moderation in moderation. Don't get too much moderation, you know?” We’re revisiting this Oprah interview with her where the quote originated — rest in power, shady diva.
6. Despite being a pretty middle-of-the-road episode, this one is our most controversial to date. Please revisit and rehash our jokes that lacked nuance (and yet we stand by them 100%).
7. We will never not be quoting bell hooks, specifically this quote which remains a prescient and concise assessment of queerness as a label. Speaking of controversy, we cited miss hooks following a statement the pod made that also ruffled some feathers this summer. Your outrage only makes us stronger. 😌😌😌😌
8. This seminal (pun INTENDED) text is one of our faves, and the latest edition has a foreword from the ethereal sage Tourmaline. It’s a short, illustrated fable honestly everyone should read about queer revolution, anarchy, and what it means to be in opposition to assimilationist gays.
9. Please review this Housewives clip which is honestly not as compelling out of context and yet it is herstory. You may want to dive into RHONJ in time for when Food 4 Thot inevitably pivots to a Real Housewives recap podcast.
10. Remember when Fran said that religious fanatics who speak in tongues are eating God’s ass? Yeah… sorry about that.
Bonus Dessert!
This week’s bonus dessert is the Gossip Girl reboot, which is, you know, an objectively bad show. And on top of being bad, it unforch cast some heterosexuals in non-heterosexual roles. But! In its badness, it goes without saying that it is extremely good. High camp! Unconventionally horny! A true homage to the unhinged plot development of its predecessor! And Tavi Gevinson is making us scholarly thots proud as hell. :’) Watch and let us know what you think.
Two notes here because I love you all:
1) Why refer to Brit's boyfriend as "spicy-white"? Sam is Iranian-American, which, yes, is probably "white" on the census but, if you talk to any of the "invade them desert monkey terrorists" supporters out there in this country then Sam is likely too brown and his last name too "un-American" to be white. Why attach race anyway? Can't we leave it at "thick and spicy" and let Sam tell us how he identifies?
2) Brit told us to stop leveraging photos of her at her worst for media gain. So why choose to do that to promote this post?
The Thots are some of my favorite theologians