I Had My Cake and Loved It, Too
Who’s icing the next batch?
Hello my dearest Thotters!
It’s actually September, and it’s also actually not that bad—though according to Candace Owens, Kimberly Klacik, another supporter of He-Who-Likes-To-Grab-Miss-Kitty, September is actually quite the triggering word. The two Republican losers are feuding, and while I would normally try to skim right over two Black women feuding in public, I claim neither Kimberly nor Candace as either Black or woman—in large part because by the looks of theirInstagram accounts, neither has discovered her edges.
Anyway, today we’re talking about Body-Oddy-Oddies Part 2! We… get you bodied, re-examine our relationships with our bodies, discuss how they’ve changed and how they’ve stayed the same, and we ask what to do with them next. Check it out below!
This weekend I’m in Kent, CT, seeking some respite from the city. If you’ve followed me on IG for the last year, you may have seen me, at certain moments, in a farm house in CT with a beautiful view and a lot of space. I’m lucky to have friends who’ve repeatedly opened their home to me throughout the panderia, and this weekend is no different. Thus far it’s included a pool party (having not worn a bathing suit publicly since 2019) and fancy pizza with my new favorite topping, hot honey.
If you’d like me to lick some hot honey off of you… slide into the dms.
I spent the day reeling from shame about my body. I took multiple showers in which I shaved my legs repeatedly because as a woman, I’ve been taught to feel ashamed of my hair. As a trans woman, I’ve been taught to subscribe to cigender standards of beauty as my own measure of success. I’d arrived in Kent excited to wear a new pair of booty shorts and a new, sparkly one-piece bathing suit. I wore my favored pair of silver Calvin Klein stilettos, and while the outfit worked beautifully, I found myself feeling nervous for the amount of skin I was showing.
And then there was the hair on top of my head. I love my natural hair, and I embrace my curls wholeheartedly. But I’ve found that having disclosed as a trans woman, the hair on top of my head seems like the biggest factor in whether or not the waiter at dinner or the Lyft driver considers the idea that I might be a woman, or have pronouns other than he/him. So I brought two wigs on this trip, even though I sometimes struggle with wigs when the hair is a texture that clearly will never grow out of my head.
I’d set a goal of pinup beauty, and showed up to the party inadequately shaved, with tresses still in my suitcase. Thanks to 6 cocktails, and some very kind men, it didn’t take long for me to settle into the party and feel yummy—like a hot honey, in fact. ;-)
But it was at dinner, when I finally donned one of the wigs, that I felt perhaps fully realized for the first time. At the restaurant, I did something I’ve not done before—I used the women’s bathroom, and no one looked twice. When I returned to my table, I told none of my friends about this split-second decision, or how it felt. It was a small moment, and I doubt that I will, from here on out, always use the women’s bathroom. But in this moment, in the dim lighting, under the influence of mezcal, there I was.
Anyway, I just wanted to share. Let trans people use the bathrooms we want to use. After all—since when have men needed to trick people into thinking they’re women just to assault a woman?
Stay safe, hotties! I love you all.
XOXO, Denne Michele
*extra* delectable content
1. What I think of everytime Fran starts singing Petula Clarke: “making my way downtown!” Perhaps their gayest moment ever? Not queer, but gay. GAY!
2. To be clear, a tart flambe is basically a bacon and onion flatbread pizza. Very on brand for me, and one of the best recipes for it is here.
3. If you need a new incense flavor, remember that it’s fall now and Halloween isn’t that far away, so check out Vampire’s Embrace right here, right now!
4. If you’re looking to get your groove on with some new sex positions, we, here at Food 4 Thot, DO NOT ENDORSE pop rocks working their way into your sex life. It just seems dangerous.
5. A few (still) hot titles that will get you bodied, get me bodied, and get us all off in time. Beyonce and Megan Thee Stallion
6. Talking about intimate contact with bodies, I feel like Bill Clinton could certainly have benefitted from a break in intimate contact. That said, I can’t WAIT for the start of Impeachment: American Crime Story, to start in just a few days. That said, we all owe Monica Lewinsky a collective apology. However, like a true Thot, back when it happened (I was 11!), I straight-up asked my Dad why people cared about the president’s private life? You know why? Once a Thot….
7. I’m sorry but this clip of Liza Minnelli on Larry King Live is giving me life. You’re welcome.
8. I’m always reminding white people that they don’t own me. I listen to this song almost daily, especially as a suburban woman of the nineties. I’m also calling for a remix with Normani, Lizzo, and Cardi B. Hot, right?
also...
This week we’ve got two!
I deeply, deeply love Patty Harrison, and am sharing this clip of her performing standup for Dua Lipa, in case you haven’t seen it…
And two, my roommate recently sent me this clip of Robin Tran, also doing standup, and being hilarious. Get into it!